Building confidence

Ways to feel more self assured if you aren’t good at it.

I am not a super confident person by nature. I tend to think things are my fault and even if I have a million logical reasons why I say, think or do something, I will often second guess myself, making me seem less knowledgeable then I know I am. I could go into a million reasons why I am like this…and you could probably see a few of them in yourself and your past that you can relate too. But I’m not going to go into what makes some people have all the confidence in the world and some that should always wonder if they missed a memo.

But thats not what this article is about. This is about building confidence so that you can get to where you want in life. Because the truth is that confidence is key in everything from work to relationships. None of these ideas are over night cures but picking one and focusing on it can help you build up confidence and help you propel forward and show the knowledge that you know you have.

“Imagine who you want to be and start showing up as her”

A new ager would call this “Manifesting” But I find that word very mystical (And a bit off putting) when it is anything but. It’s higher than though. Dress for the job you want. Practice what you preach. Fake it until you make it. These are ways that you can start. It means to be the way you want; to put the image out there and you can start living and being viewed in that way. Put positive vibes out into the world and watch them come back to you because while you were pretending to be that confident, you became that confident.

Ask for what you want

You will never get what you want if you don’t work for it. But you will also never get what you want if people don’t know that you want it. I have played the humble game for years. Sometimes it serves me but sometimes it doesn’t. People cant read your mind. When you want something, make sure it is spelled out. In relationships, in your job. It doesn’t mean that you have to be aggressive but playing coy helps just as little. Sometimes being humble or not asking for what you want can even do damage, making it seem like you don’t care about your job or that promotion.

Set up for Success

Make sure what you are doing is getting you to where you want to go. You can’t expect to binge watch Netflix every Saturday morning then then run a marathon. Making plans and sticking to them creates habit and consistency and being consistent builds confidence in the thing that you are doing.

Embrace and Acknowledge Negative Thoughts

Some people will tell you that the key to getting ride of negative thoughts is to ignore them. But let’s be realistic. That doesn’t always work. They sneak in anyway. We cant be happy and secure all the time. I find the key to getting past negative thoughts is to let them happen. Acknowledge them and work through them. Ask yourself why you believe them. What evidence do you have that supports them? Most of the time the answer is no and you can move forward but if you do have past experiences, think about how you can work through them to change the outcome this time.

Reframe the Word Failure

You are going to fail. Failing is part of the process. But instead of looking at it like a stopper, look at it like a lesson. Failure is only the end if you make it the end. If you don’t it is only a speed bump. I have taught myself and am still teaching myself that failure is not a dirty word. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t meant to do something or aren’t good at something. It just means that you are learning the proper way to get to your goals.

Constant Learning

Constant learning is one of the things that I believe is one of the most fundamental parts of being a rounded adult. There is no such thing as end end to education. You have to be willing to be constantly learning and relearning as you become more fascinated with subjects but also the things that you already know. Confidence comes from knowing more and more about a subject but also still knowing that there is always something more to learn. The more secure you feel in a subject, the more confident you are going to feel.

No More Victim

Letting go of the victim mentality is key to several points in this. Building yourself up does require an honest assessment of yourself and what needs to be worked on to get where you want to go but you can do this in an objective way that enables you to move forward instead of getting stuck in a cycle of blame. Let go of the victim mentality to free yourself and build confidence.

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