Why Women should masturbate and how to buy a vibrator. Yes, I was talking about what you thought.
I have heard a lot of slut shaming in my day. I am just a little bit out of that group that is totally fine with posting mostly naked pictures of themselves and is open about their sex life. Before me there is even more of a stigma around this. Masturbation is a bunch of horny teenage boys and sweaty old men jerking it to “Low class” women or even scary, you.
There has long been a culture where we put ourselves down. You never really hear about women Masturbating and there is a huge stigma around women, young, old, married, single, mothers, childless doing it. Repression is a tool used to hold women down and labeling our sexual needs as “Slutty” was a way that we were programmed to see our bodies as inferior. They are a tool to have children, please our husbands and nothing else. “Lay back and think of England.” It’s just not something that we are supposed to do. Is it?
If we do it makes us promiscuous and over sexed.
But the thing is…it is just as healthy for us ladies as it is for men. In fact it is an important part of our physical, mental and emotional health.
I was most certainly a late bloomer. I didn’t have consensual sex until I was 18. I honestly don’t remember much about it. I remember giving my first BJ (I think most girls do because its always horrible and later funny) but I don’t remember much about the actual act. I do remember the ones in my 20’s and with my ex husband.
I wasn’t making notches in bed posts but I remember my partner and remember one distinct thought.
If I dont please them they are going to leave me.
I can’t actually remember where this thought came from. There was never a birds and the bees talk and while I was raised Catholic I can’t actually remember much talk of sex. I never had a celebacy ring or anything like that. I just very distactly remember knowing that this wasn’t actually for me. This act was for my (Mostly male) partners and if I didn’t satify them I was a failure at the relationship and they would move onto someone better. Needless to say this put a lot of pressure on the situation and it was very rare that I was satisfied unless there were some other chemicals involved.
Fast forward. From the time that I was 22 to 31 I was only with one person and they weren’t really interested in sex. Of course there were various reasons for this but all the while I, like so many women, internalized this as me not being attractive or not doing something right. Of course I told people when they asked that we just had a different kind of relationship. While it is totally more than possible to have a relationship without sex…I am not one of those people.
A close friend one night took me to a shop in downtown San Antonio called Sexology. She had in a previous life done burlesque dancing and knew the owners who are actually Therapists (Correct me if I’m wrong). The shop is classy, hardly one that you would go to with your friends for a giggle over their Porn DVD’s (Come on guys….dont you have the internet?). They offer sex coaching, Orgasm training and various other services along with a crazy knowledgeable staff. For the first time I really felt comfortable buying a “Real” Vibrator. Meaning it wasn’t a gag gift and costed an actual amount of money.
At this point in my life I had started running, betting my life and had decided just because my at the time partner didn’t ‘need things’, I did.
There was something oddly satisfying about being able to orgasm more than once every…maybe. It was a new experience and one where I didn’t have to focus on someone else. This was in my 20’s and I have to admit that now that I am in my 30’s I am alot more free. Not in terms of partners but about my body. I feel confident in it and am not afraid of sex or as focused anymore. Sex is most certainly better once you are comfortable with your body and that typically doesn’t happen in your 20’s.
10 Reasons to Masturbate
Of course there are a million thoughts about Masturbation but the truth is that there isn’t much research, most of all on female Masturbation because it still is something that we just don’t talk about; something reserved for the shadows and the dark corners of our bed rooms pretending that it has ANYTHING to do with our partners at all (It doesn’t by the way. I adore sex with my man friend but I still like a good self session). It’s sort of like the reason there are so few pregnant crash dumbies.
However, there are certainly some things that we KNOW for sure that female Masturbation benefits. Here are some of them if you need more insenstive to give it a go:
- Masturbation decreases stress and Depression with those good ol’ endorphines.
- It increases our body image and self confidence.
- It teaches you what you like & improves your sex life- because you’re partner isn’t going to know unless you do.
- Helps you sleep.
- Ease menstrual aches and cramps
- There is no down side to it- no STI’s, no pregnancy, no awkward phone calls the next morning.
- Women can have multiple orgasms and are more likely to have another if they have already had one.
- Helps you become more sexual and comfortable with sexuality. AKA you will enjoy sex more.
- Helps strengthen your Pelvic Floor. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. In fact, Masturbation helps strengthen your pelvic floor.
- Toys are fun and spice things up!
Of course, there isn’t much actual research on this because…well as sad as it is we live in a puritanical culture where women have historically not been meant to express or even experience pleasure. However, as women push forward (No matter how slowly) into more medical and research positions, hopefully more studies will be put forth to prove what we already know…we have just as much of a right and need to get off as our mail counterparts.