Relationships have been given so many rules over the years. I’m reminded of books like “He’s Not That Into You” and worse (a book I personally found disgusting) “The New Rules of Dating.” Everyone is dying to tell you rules of dating and relationships and how to make yours function. But the truth is that every relationship is different and there are no rules that really are universal.
But there are things that are universal to keep a hold of yourself in relationships. I learned these three rules that hard way as a serial monogamouist. They were sadly all things that I felt guilt about or was told that weren’t a good idea. Keeping my feelings bottled up for instance.
Be Honest About Your Feelings
The idea of being truthful about your feelings is truly terrifying…on multiple levels. Not only because we fear sharing things that make us uncomfortable with the big old L word, but also because we tend to shove down our emotions to avoid looking like a fool or starting an argument. The problem with this? We water ourselves down and base our relationships on things that…well aren’t ourselves. Its not your partners fault when you’re not honest. It’s your own for not being honest.
Lead from a Place of Self Sufficianty and Independence
Gone are your teenage days where a boy/ girl was your entire world. We are adults now and . one lesson that took me way too long to learn is that needing another person is not endearing. It is not a pro in a relationship that you cant live without someone. That might have seemed cute when you were in your early 20s but as an actual adult, not so much. Coming from a place of independence is important for you and for your partner. It helps you and in the long run, it will take pressure off your partner. No one wants a clinger and you don’t want to never be able to handle things on your own.
Set Your Boundaries and Make Time for Yourself
Knowing where your boundaries lay is one of the most important things you can do. The Most important thing that you can do though, is to let your partner and friends know what those boundaries are. You cant expect your partners to know your boundaries or predict them. I am a total introvert so it is essential that I get time to myself and am not around other people constantly. Make sure that you set those boundaries and let people know what you are comfortable with and not comfortable with. This also ties in with your independence.