Dont get me wrong. I am no where near a relationship expert. In fact I would say I am one of the farthest people from a relationship expert that you can find. But I am going to tell you a big secret. We all screw up. None of us really know what we are doing and every relationship, romantic or not, is a learning experience with an entire new set of rules.
I have found however that there are a few key things that can make or break a relationship. Some of these are romantic but in truth, they apply to everyone that you have in your company.
You’ve heard it before and you will hear it again: communication is super important in any relationship. I’m not just talking about talking about how you feel either. You are going to have to activity listen to your friends and partners feelings if you want a real relationship of substance with them. Sometimes this even means putting your own BS to the side for a few moments when they have something going on.
Be Self Aware:
Being aware of your own feelings, actions and moods is one of the best things that you can do for the people around you. Being a big baby is fine…for babies. You are not a baby. You are a grown ass adult and sometimes that means sucking it up and realizing that that grumpy gus attitude does have an affect on the people that are around you.
Learning what triggers you to have those feelings and how you express them can make a huge different to the people that you interact with on a daily basis.
Make Space in Your Life:
We are all adults here. We have things going on in our lives that can sometimes make the people that are in our personal life be set on the back burner. We have our habits and our priorities that we have been developing for years as adults. There is this gross myth that the person you are supposed to be with or your bestie is supposed to come into your life and fit perfectly.
This is the farthest thing from the truth. No one is going to fit into your life like a missing puzzle piece. Not even a cat (You’re still going to have to feed Mr. Bigglesworth and change his litter and take him to the evil Dr. Vet. Sorry).
You are going to have to make space and be prepared to compromise and change little things so that that person fits in properly. I guarantee they are doing it for you too.
Get Those Demons Off Your Back:
As adults trying to have real relationships, one of the things that we have to remember is that we all have a past. We all have ex’s. We’ve all been hurt before. But sometimes we let those past buggers sneak into the new ones. Don’t forget the lessons you’ve learned from your past relationships, but don’t project them onto your new SO either. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt. If you do feels these anxieties happen, try talking to them about it without accusation or anger.
“I’m not comparing you to so and so, I just want you to know how this makes me feel…”
A lot of all of these is really dependent on having a clear picture of what you want. Dating is fine but in a serious relationship it is essential that you are on the same page as the people in your life.
You can talk until you are blue in the face with someone but if they do not have the same core values as you do or want the same things at that moment in their lives, sometimes it’s better for both parties to set clear boundaries.
Know what you want and don’t settle.