When I was single the first time around, there really wasn’t online dating. Well, there was but it was sort of a joke. There weren’t all these apps and hooking up wasn’t really a huge thing. You hooked up with people in your dorm or your class but it was hardly ever anonymous. No, everyone would know. Maybe that was just the circle that I ran in. But there certainly was no Tinder, Bumble or Hinge. You actually had to engage with a person to hook up.
For my part, I didn’t do much of that. I was a serial Monogamous. I suppose I still am. When I really like one guy I tend to stop talking to the others. I feel like its lying to everyone involved, even if it’s not and you are supposed to see what’s out there.
The point is that I still don’t think that I understand ‘dating’. What I do understand is how to not date. Even after only three months of it. It has been a truly horrific (And at times hilarious) experience and as I write this, I am talking to really the one good guy that I have found out there.
Of course, though this goes for both sides. I’m sure that there are plenty of horrid girls out there who say the worst things and if you are a guy who has experienced these please comment and tell me what some of them are. I am going to list the ones that guy friends and dates have told me.
- Give him/her a chance: I am an eternally optimistic person. I don’t like assuming the worst of people…which has lead me to be taken advantage of countless times. But I refuse to believe every guy out there is a liar and a cheater. Nor do I believe that everyone is just trying to get into your pants (News flash: guys have feelings too. Don’t assume that everyone is there to molest you). That would be like assuming at every girl out there just wants a guy that’s going to give her a free meal.
- Learn how to converse with someone: This is about finding a mate right? Someone you want to spend time with. While everyone loves talking about themselves make sure that you aren’t engaged in a closed conversation. A.k.a, ask questions and have conversations that are going to promote communication and give your match something to answer. I liked this one guy and he seemed really interesting but in the end, he was just talking about himself. He had no interest in getting to know me.
- Pen Pals: Be wary of the pen pal. I talked to a guy for 3 months and every time we went to meet he had something come up. It happens. But it sucks and in the end, I got tired of putting myself out there, only to be shot down. I care about him, but you have to consider what you want in the long run. Do you want a pen pal or do you want a relationship?
- The S.O.S. phone call: I personally think that this is really mean and disrespectful on a basic human level. Guys aren’t stupid. They know when you suddenly have an aunt who needs to be rushed to the hospital with a gull blatter infection, that’s probably bull shit. And then they have to fake being concerned. If you really aren’t feeling the date, respectfully say thank you but you don’t want to waste either of their time. Or even better take it for what it is and finish the date but say it was nice meeting you at the end and don’t go on another. These are real people with real feelings. Don’t be a dick. No one needs to feel bad or like the last kid picked for the team just because you don’t have the guts to say you’re not feeling it. (Unless of course you feel legitimately threatened.)
- The Stage Five Clinger: Okay so I get it. In most situations, I am all about being honest. You know what’s better than ghosting someone? Telling them how you feel so they don’t feel like they are making an ass out of themselves reaching out to you. However, if you have only talked once or twice, there is no expectation of a relationship and texting a million times with no reciprocation is probably a sign.
- Flirting verses being a pervert: We have never met. You don’t even know that much about me. So why do you think that it’s appropriate to make dirty jokes yet? That’s not flirting. And I will tell you straight up at even though she wore a top that shows a bit more cleavage, it DOESN’T mean that you should comment on it. Keep the flirting to something nonphysical. I think the compliment that got me blushing the hardest was “You have a great laugh by the way,” and the one that got me running for the hills the fastest was when I sent a picture to a guy of my arm tattoo and he told me “The left side isn’t bad either hehe” (Because there was a sliver of my clothed breasts next to my arm…you know where breasts are.)
- Throw out a lot of the rules: For the most part, I am a traditional girl. I don’t like making the first move (Mostly because I’m shy). But I am not the kind of woman that likes being played with. If you like a girl (Or a guy) don’t string them along. Toss that three-day rule out the window and if you want a second date, had a good time…any of that, playing games is just going to make things harder. Let people know how you feel.
- Be Truthful: This is true on so many levels in any stage of a relationship. Any relationship really. But don’t say things that aren’t true online. You don’t have to say everything but don’t tell lies either. It starts everything off on a bad foot.
- Photos: I hate this one because I hate taking photos or having photos taken of me. I’m just not that into it while it seems like other girls have had professional headshots done! Of course, we all cherry pick pictures of ourselves that we think are the most flattering but make sure that they, like the words you write, are truthful.be careful what photos you decide to put up on this site. First of all….pictures from college are not what you look like in your 30’s. They just aren’t. I went on a date with a guy and honest to god he had pictures from college and he was 32. He looked nothing like what he said. This, to me, is lying. It has nothing to do with being shallow or anything like that. It showed a willingness to deceive that I found really really disturbing.
- Remember that this is for fun: Yes, all of these things are important but not every guy you date or every girl you are going to date needs to be “The One”. These aren’t people that should be blown off or treated badly because of that. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible. More then that, I needed to remind myself not to be ungodly nervous about every date because of this. Hyperventilating in your can huffing destress oils (Oh hi that was not oddly specific and clearly not something that I have done) isn’t going to do anyone an ounce of good.