You Are Strong: A Note To Myself From the Hardest Day

Dear Future Me,

You are strong. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. These past few months have totally changed your life from top to bottom. You didn’t think that you would make it through. You KNEW you would but that first week when everything was fresh and your chest and heart ached with physical pain, you didn’t know how. You didn’t think that you would smile or laugh or run or write again. But you have. Today was the hardest of days. Today was supposed to be your six year marriage anniversary. Six years ago you thought that you and he would have kids by now. Four months ago you thought that you would be doing yard work in your new house. But all of that changed in a matter of minutes.

Mom asked if you wanted her and Dad to stay. You told them no because you didn’t want to look weak. You thought that you would have a break down. Either here or at work. But you didn’t. You got up, you went to work, you smiled and laughed and you meant it. You did Yoga and you didn’t think about him once. You were just in your own head. You haven’t had the urge to call him and you don’t care that he can’t even be bothered to call or text you.

Because HE doesn’t matter. He isn’t the person you thought he was. And you know what? You’re not the person you thought that you were either. You’re even stronger then you ever imagined. You don’t need to fight. You know who you are and you are happy with it. You are a shinny, smiling person with so much to offer a world that now you can be part of. Part of without having to drag someone out. You have come to terms with your flaws. You have come to terms with what you need to do. And you have come to terms with the fact that now you have no more excuses. No one stops you but you girly. Remember not to be too hard on yourself. Remember just how…gracefully you’ve dealt with all of this. You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you.

And remember that on the days when shit feels hard, you made it through today like a champ. You are always capiable of more then you think you are.

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There is a time in our lives when we figure out that we are adults. When that time is...we sometimes don't know. Even at 32. I'm just a young woman trying to restart and learn how to live as an adult after years of just making ends meet. Coming out of a divorce was something horrid for Erika, but opening up to my authentic self and finding joy in the things I love has been a huge step forward. Becoming an adult isn't about the age you are at, but being comfortable in what you do, what you love and who you are.

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