I always hear that you should keep working out or start for at least 30 minutes a day when you are going through a tough time or a divorce. And honestly, I couldn’t agree more. I luckily discovered working out and its benefits about 3 years ago and started really fixing my life long before my divorce.
I was extremely unhappy honestly and my ex-husband and I kind of wallowed in it together. I got out of it. He didn’t. I was unhappy with work, with myself and had a fuck the world mentality. Everything was everyone else’s fault. I wasn’t getting enough sleep because I was baking at 4 in the morning and my boss hated me. I dont like to say that because everyone says that they are treated badly but even the manager of the place flat up knew that my boss took all of her problems out on me. One day though I was walking up the stairs with groceries and I got out of breath. Shit. I lost my breath walking up one flight of stairs!
I knew I had to make a change and I started with 30 minutes a day. It was good and I got my weight slightly better but I knew I needed to do more. So I started running. Running is a completely different experience and it gave me so much more than just a workout. It gave me a hobby. And it gave me the drive to fix everything else in my life too. I started looking for a better job and I started getting my shit together mentally and setting up life goals.
When I think about this, it was probably part of the reason why I started moving forward while W just kinda….stayed in his own self-dug hole of misery.
Anyway. I found a lot of drive in this sport and just in getting fit and healthy in general. It gave me confidence, gave me time to be in my own head and learn what I was capable of, and when my friends saw how it was affecting me, gave me some much-needed adult social time.
When it came to the separation…I was stunned let me tell you. Because honestly, while my ex-had went out and found himself a 19-year-old, I was looking better then I had in college. I was it, I had just finished my first ever full marathon, and run a plethora of half marathons and 10k’s. Where did I go wrong?!
And here I come to my biggest point in this journal entry.
DO IT FOR YOU NOT FOR HIM (or her)
You know what? Nothing you could have done physically would have stopped him or her from being a wang or in my ex’s case, thinking with his wang. Everything that you do, make sure that you are doing it for you. You’ve already spent far too much time doing things for them. I know I did. I will admit that in the beginning alot of me losing weight and running was trying to get my soon to be ex’s attention. I thought that maybe he wasn’t attracted to me because I was bigger than when we met. I thought that we could run together because he had loved it during school. But I could never convince him. I begged him to come out with me and I think I only got him to come out with me 3 times in the two years I was running and we were together. He didn’t even take off to pick me up from the full marathon that I had been training for.
I can talk until I’m blue in the face about the benefits of working out but it wouldn’t be anything that you haven’t read before. But what I want to focus on is that you need to be doing it for you. None of this “revenge-body” on my ex by being hot bullshit. You know what? If he/she was going to regret what they did they already would have.
No everything that you do right now should be done out of love for you, not contempt for them. That needs to be kept in mind right now in every action that you make. At least in the beginning. Soon it will become a habit but right now even if you have to tell yourself every time you lace up or go to the gym, do it.
Obviously, there are the physical benefits of working out during a hard time in your life. Taking care of yourself in general, the endorphin rush, better sleep, decreased anxiety….all of that is true but the most important thing that I learned while running after everything was how to learn how to be alone with my own thoughts.
For the first two weeks….well it was hard but I’m finally back in my groove. Mind you it took work and still is. Sometimes I find my mind wandering to things that make my eyes water and my breathing more labored then it should be and I have to refocus myself. But podcasts and playlists help. But it is important to learn how to be alone in your own head without panicking, which anyone in this situation will tell you is one of the hardest things. Not to mention that you are not always going to be able to grab your friends to take up the time that your ex had in your life. Finding something productive to fill that time is important.
Basically, take time. Learn how to do it. Learn how to enjoy it. Learn how to take time for yourself because over the next few months, if not years of your life, its going to be important. Hell for the rest of your life, way after you’re past this its going to be important.